this day would only come once in a lifetime. maybe never for others. i mean that in the next hundred year or so. i know it wasn’t the only date that comes once in my lifetime or anyone’s lifetime in my generation. this’ maybe the perks of being born before a turn of century or in a much larger scale of a millennium. you see i’ve come across the days of 01.01.01, 02.02.02, …, 12.12.12. you see the pattern. then there was 12.21.12, which practically ended the Mayan Calendar. i also can’t forget the dreaded 01.01.00, which ended the Y2K scare. there also was 11.12.13, which i well remember as the 4th day after Haiyan. My family became complete that day after rescuing our mom. I was not sure if we’re in Cebu that day of in Ormoc enjoying our first descent meal after the ordeal. I remember the warm noodles and rice. so much for that talk.
i have lived through those dates but these dates passed me by similar to this day. Yeah i have not done nothing special on this day. Just like all my days in ‘this’ year. but this day is more special. i tell you why.
12.13.14 is practically the day before my 25th out-of-womb year here on earth. me and my mom’s 9-month struggle is not included.
It’s more interesting because it’s my super super Korean crush’s wedding date. Totally heartbroken there. HAHAHA TT. Getting insane here. Really Lee Sungmin see you in our next lifetime.
My asian craze has lingered with two rurouni kenshins movies (Sept & Aug). I even marathoned the 95 eps of anime. Nodame also got a korean version so I also marathoned the anime before it premieres. I so want to read the manga but i can’t understand with its ‘silence.’ The K-version was not my… B1A4 also came to manila. Yeah, I became a fan, and so thus with Exo, and still with Running Man.
Maria Sharapova was also here with some colleagues.May I add that I fall in love with Aaron Lewis and Jason Wade and so thus with Matthew Perryman Jones. So non-sense here.
But really, this day made me realized how i wasted a year in my life with doing nothing. I mean that literally. I am not working nor i am studying. The only highlight was i made furniture out of scrap materials and i have three lovely kittens. I made a house for them, which was half by the water caused by Hagupit. (May, October) Maybe i should add that i become much closer to my mother and my second niece was born this year. But nothing remarkable for this year. No new job. No diploma. No finished story. No earnings. NADA. I started a hateful job last August. Some writing job that didn’t made me last a month. It was so infuriating with the way they took advantage of third party employees.
I only gained insomniac tendencies and failed job and school interviews. (January to March, November) Lots to learn there maybe. I may have only read one credible book this year, fault in our stars, are you there? Huh? (April) I really started to like/hate facebook, with all status of friends that i have taken for granted. I just so hate myself that i don’t want people to do anything with me. I so envy an engaged ex-hsclassmate, a soon-to-be doctor close friend, a roaming bestfriend, then there’s also a writer/doctor friend. She published a lot of books this year and that’s despite of her internships. I am just so nothing. (24th)
My siblings won’t show it but i may just be there useless little sister, with nothing to contribute, with a super hard-headed mind to turn to. Because as you should know, i refused to evacuate to our ancestral house. My sister claims it was because i was ashamed of what i have become. Yeah, i may do but i really think they are more ashamed of it. They just really won’t understand how safer our house is and that i won’t leave my kittens behind with a flood and hunger imminent. I just hate her then. I could understand she was concerned of the incumbent situation. But i just really hated her there. I even come to the conclusion that she was more concern of the money she’ll be spending, in case a rescue is necessary. (December) There was also that time when my big bro what each of us could contribute or as he has said, they could contribute. I just don’t have the money to give. Well, we just had a mini-reunion during my father’s 14th death anniversary. (November) It was short but memorable. They put tiles on our father’s grave.
That November also was when I first visited a childhood friend’s grave. That’s 7 years after his death.
Then there was a time on this year when my big bro just so f****** want to to put me out of their house. As is palayasin late night. It was just because I fought with her eldest daughter. He was so angry without seeing reason. He only think that i was just plain bad and childish to fight a four-year old kid. Reprimanding is not a reason for him. A kid can really just spank and fought anyone. No one could argue otherwise. Because no one should really mess with his daughter. It was really an aggravated anger after not siding him with how my sister’s things should be shared, which i should point are my sister’s things, and i don’t have a say on that matter. It was hers, for goodness’s sake and they were just fighting over those things. Arghh (April)
I also won’t forget this year as the year when i learned to be homeless. I slept in international airports. I spent my days in malls, parks and churches. I also sneak inside a used-to-be rented apartment. I practically found a duplicate key. I spent two nights there, making sure i’ll be awake when the owners or my sister (the rentee) come so they won’t caught me there. There was also that time when i fought with a kid at manila bay after i saw him opening my bag. I also met an old fisherman there who was a kababayan. Then there was this girl who was looking for a job but just can’t find any. She told me how hard her life had become. She used to be a domestic worker but can’t go back because of old age. Was that really the reason? (January to February)
I also lived in luxury for a week. what i mean i was living inside a post condo unit, in a posh neighborhood of rockwell .i deluxurized the place by making people see i’m buying from a wet public market than large supermarkets. I also packed a balikbayan box (dorm things) while i was in the lobby. Imagine the horror in my rich aunt’s face. this was also the time when i went to church more than once a day. She was just so religious. I just can’t imagine how many sins does she need to atone. I didn’t mean that. But i really hope she will stop thinking less of people. That’s beside the fact that it was mall churches. I just really just become old ladies’ helpers.(June)
I also missed all my flights this year. It was mostly intentional, with lack of funds and other means to proceed. One flight won’t pushed through because it became unavailable after that big typhoon. I was too lazy to try doing other means. There was also that flight despite of having enough money won’t be practical for i will be spending all my money. All my money equates to my enough trip money (January, June). Though I visited Cebu again before coming home. (April) I may have walked from one airport to another in one back to Manila flight. Though I remember a jeepney midway. Whatever. (June)
This maybe also the only year that i didn’t meet any of my friends, college or high school. I intentionally missed their birthdays. I talked with him less despite him starting convos. How sad had i become? (24th)
I remember all my lies of having graduated and earning a keep from working online. (24th)
One particular when a cousin arrived from the US. I told her those things.
Anyway the highlight then was we played card games (heart-attack and tong-its) ‘til dawn and with our face packed with face powder. Along with my mother’s family, we went to a virgin resort. (September)
Chai-Chai (Chairo), Chi-Chi (Chiisai), Koi-Koi (Kuroi), Shi-Shi (which was not really Shiroi, more of shiroi/kuroi) and one unnamed was born on the 26th of September. If you know Japanese Romaji, you may have guessed something about these kittens. Chi-Chi and the unnamed died on November. Chi-Chi’s death was indirectly caused by her/his blindness, which contributed malnutrition on her/his body while the unnamed was murdered by something unknown. It was just really a gruesome scene, with half of his/her body remaining. Chi-Chi’s body now reside inside a half hollow block in our front yard while the unnamed’s body was enjoyed by ants, flies and frogs as their meal. Talking sense here, huh.
I have a lot of things going through my head. I want to do a lot of things. I want to try a lot of things. If you can get hold of my notebook. There are a lot of business and hobby ideas. I’ve thought of painting again i actually made portraits.all i can see is that my drawing lacks color. Pun. I want to learn crochet after seeing my niece’s materials. I also bough embroidery materials. There was also a page of restaurant menus and names. A t-shirt business was also in sight, with about 50 ideas formulated. I even drawn house plans. That’s so why I decided I want to become a Civil Engineer.(24th)
Speaking of business, i am actually happy for my sister for she build one, a laundry shop. She also mortgaged a car, to be paid in five years. Her dream is building. But i more remember when they (she and her business partners) made me their worker for a week with a P100 per day or sometimes free service. Did i complain? No, i didn’t at that time. But it was really irritating. I’ve experienced to be paid more with my previous job. (March)
With the way i’m writing this, you can see how unfunctional i have become. I mean dysfunctional. I just wrote things in random. No direction. Similar to the way i am. I can’t be back to my old job (writer/tutor). I have to get my wits together.
I may really need help. But i don’t accept any. I may have to add that i had counseling sessions. I cried in front of a stranger with him telling me his lifestory and tips on what i could do or ideas on why i have become like this. (January to March, December)
This year is a realization of the things I should regretted and from that, I should move forward.
25 years and my life is still
Trying to get up
That great big hill of hope
For a destination
hachihachae 